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  • Aspire » Leadership

    28 Sep


    You will deal with adversity.

    Some days things just aren’t going to go your way. The day that you come in and find out:

    • You’ve lost a long term client or
    • You missed out on a deal that you were sure you were going to land or
    • A good employee unexpectedly turns in their resignation – leaving you with a big hole to fill or
    • You get sick or injured in some way…

    Those are all bad days – but it doesn’t have to be just big stuff that will throw you off. Sometimes it’s the little things: You hit all the red lights coming into work (and run late for a meeting), you forget your phone, your favorite restaurant closes down, you miss a flight or a connection when you’re travelling, you completely forget a meeting. None of these are big deals by themselves – but add a couple of them together and you’re going to have a bad day.

    You can’t always control what’s happening to  you – sometimes bad things happen, no matter how prepared you are.

    The question is – now that you’ve gotten slapped down by life…how do you respond to that adversity?

    The real question – how do you deal with it?

    Here’s the thing – whatever your challenge might be…big or small, you get to choose how you’re going to respond.

    It seems like a small thing – barely worth considering, but the reality is that your choice, that space between stimulus and response means everything.

    “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”    – Viktor Frankl

    If you’re not familiar with Viktor Frankl here’s a quick background: He was a neurologist and psychologist who was also a holocaust survivor and much of his life’s work comes from what he learned during his horrific experiences in the concentration camps. The idea that the last freedom any of us possess is the ability to choose how we respond to situations. Of course he was dealing with far worse things than most of us can even imagine – but the concept still works for lesser challenges.

    You have 2 Choices when you respond to adversity

    1. You can dwell on the negative, on your bad luck or the unfortunate outcome. (victim)


    2. You can choose to learn from the experience and get better. (leader)

    It’s all pretty simple (in theory) – Option #1 – choosing to dwell on the negative clearly doesn’t have any value. There’s no upside to wallowing in your bad luck or complaining or being a victim to circumstances. Nothing good is going to come out of that approach.

    But if you choose to learn from the experience and get better, then all sorts of good things are possible, even when they’re started with a bad event.  You could learn about a blind spot that’s been holding you back, or at least get a wake up call that something needs to change.

    Or maybe you won’t learn anything new or useful…but by letting the bad event go, you can move on and get back to doing something useful.

    It’s clear that focusing on the positive side of things is your best bet.

    Unfortunately it’s not that easy.

    When you’re having a bad day, when you get bad news, the first thing that naturally kicks in are your emotions. You’re going to get mad, angry, upset, frustrated or sad (or all of the above) and any one of those emotions will keep you from thinking logically – and tend to drive you to option #1…dwelling on the negative.

    How do you exercise your choice?

    It can be challenging to respond in a positive way – here are some things that will help you take the time to choose your response:

    1. Remember that you have a choice

    Simply recognizing the concept of    Stimulus  >  Choice  > Response    (vs. just Stimulus > Response) will help you take that deep breath and hit the pause button long enough for you to make a better, less emotional response.

    2. Cultivate a generally positive outlook

    Every day, whether you’re dealing with adversity or not, it will help you immensely to look at the positive possibilities rather than focusing on the negative. That doesn’t mean you need to be some kind of Pollyanna who can never see anything wrong with a situation. Too much optimism isn’t healthy either, but you can try to be cautiously optimistic…start actively looking for good news rather than assuming bad news.

    3. Adopt a habit of doing an After Action Review

    Originally conceived as a very formal process by the US Army and later adopted by most of the corporate world in less structured formats, the idea of an After Action Review is to evaluate the outcomes of whatever initiatives you might have completed. If you made a big pitch to a client and they rejected it (or accepted it) take the time as a team and talk about what went right and what went wrong. What can you learn from the situation…and then make sure to apply those lessons going forward.

    Bad days, bad events, bad stuff are going to happen to you (and to everyone for that matter). What really sets apart the most successful people from everyone else is how they respond to adversity. They choose a positive path and try to learn and get better every single day.

    How do you respond to challenges? Do you find yourself complaining…or does it drive you to learn from it and do something about it?

    We’d love to hear your thoughts on this, let us know what you’re thinking in the comments below.

    Shawn Kinkade   Kansas City Business Coach

    31 Aug

    Traffic jam

    Have you ever been stuck in your business? On the road but not going anywhere?

    There’s a trap out there for business owners and professionals that many of us will fall into at some point or another. It’s a sneaky sort of trap because it starts when things are going well – you’re busy, you’re making money, you’re getting by so you consciously or unconsciously lay off the gas – just a little…and then you get stuck. Here are some telltale signs:

    • You look at a calendar and realize that several months have passed by this year and you haven’t accomplished anything new
    • Last month was crazy busy…and it’s exactly like this month
    • You’ve been running hard but you’re not getting anywhere (and there’s no clear end in sight)

    If any of those things are happening to you, then you’re stuck (that’s the official technical term…). Once you realize it, it’s a frustrating place to be and if you can’t work your way out of being stuck it will start impacting your business and your life in a lot of negative ways. You’re either getting better or you’re getting worse – and when you’re stuck, you’re definitely getting worse.

    3 Steps to Break the Cycle of Stuck


    When you started your business you had a dream. Maybe you wrote it down, laid out a 10 year plan and mapped out all the steps you were going to take. Or maybe you didn’t document anything – but you still had a dream.

    Maybe your dream centered around money. Nothing wrong with that – most business owners are at least partly driven by the desire to make more money or to even reach financial independence. In fact the essence of all businesses has to center around making money…specifically a profit, otherwise it’s a hobby, a charity or a job…not a business.

    Maybe your dream was about being your own boss, or making an impact on others (employees, customers, etc.). Maybe it’s something else or a combination of all of the above. Whatever your dream was – now’s a great time to take it off the shelf and revisit it.

    Can you remember the feeling of hope that you had? The sense that you could make some really cool things happen? You still can – but that feeling gets lost when you get stuck – and it’s critical to find your motivation if you want to get unstuck.



    When’s the last time you read a business book?  Or even just a book for fun? According to recent research – 1 out of 4 US adults didn’t read a single book in the last year. The average number of books read in the US is 5…less than one every two months.

    I know you’re crazy busy and that you legitimately believe that you don’t have time to read – but if you want to be successful in the long run, you’ve got to be learning new things…all the time.  The good news is that you have options – if you’re in the car a lot, check out Audible.com for a huge selection of books that you can listen to (I’ve been listening to books at the gym recently and it’s been a great addition to my routine).

    You could also check out a Business Book Review – you’ll learn the key ideas from a great business book and get to talk it over with other business owners…and get breakfast all in 90 minutes without having to first read the book.

    There are also tons of great podcasts, training sites and other places where you can learn new things. The trick is to make it a habit…part of your lifestyle that just happens.



    Finally the last step in breaking the cycle of being stuck is to take action. It’s a stupidly simple idea – but it’s one that a lot of people get stuck on:

    If you want a different outcome, then you have to take different actions.

    Dreaming and learning are critical in the process – they will both help you figure out what’s important and how it all works. But without taking action, without DOING something, then nothing is going to change.

    The best way to take meaningful action is to narrow down your focus and pick out the one thing that’s going to make the biggest difference in your business in the next 3 months. Obviously you’ll still have to deal with business as usual – all the day to day stuff and putting out fires, but if carve out even just a little bit of extra time…or start saying ‘no’ to some things that really aren’t helping you, then you’ll be able to work on whatever is most important to you – whatever will start making a positive impact. Start small, be consistent and you’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish even in a short period of time.

    Dream, Learn, Do. That’s how you get unstuck.




    What do you think? When’s the last time you felt stuck? Are you stuck now?  Would this process work for you? What else works? Share your thoughts in the comments below – we’d love to hear them.

    Shawn Kinkade   Kansas City Business Coach

    01 Jun


    Leadership often seems to be an intangible thing…a soft skill that makes a huge difference but is difficult to teach. This mystery around leadership is likely made worse because of the sheer volume of information out there – a quick search on Amazon lists 100,000+ books on leadership and most of them have a different spin and advice.

    My recommendation is to start with a simple approach – I firmly believe the businesses that will succeed over time are the ones who consciously develop a culture of leadership within all levels of the business. But what would a culture of leadership within a business look like?  How do you go about consciously creating such a thing?

    What is a leader?

    Leaders and leadership comes in all shapes and sizes. One of the most well known and respected authors on this topic – the late Dr. Stephen R. Covey posited that ‘leadership is a choice, not a position’.  Maybe the best way to define a leader is to look at the characteristics or behaviors of leaders at all levels.

    In their book ‘The Leadership Challenge’, Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner found in their worldwide study more than 50% of respondents selected the following characteristics people would willingly follow:

    *Note – these results have been consistent since they first did this study back in 1987.

    • Honest
    • Forward looking
    • Competent
    • Inspiring

    Based on my own experiences – I would also include the following:

    • Passion
    • Courage
    • Humility
    • Sense of Humor

    If you gave it some thought, your list might be slightly different, but I’m willing to bet that we’re at least in the same ballpark on most of them. And since these are behavioral characteristics, it’s not just enough to appreciate these traits – you (and your team) have to be consistently demonstrating them.

    Gut check time – do these qualities (or your list) consistently describe you?  Would others use these qualities to describe you?

    What’s the opposite of leadership?

    If you buy into Covey’s idea that leadership is a choice, not a position, then what are people choosing if they’re not choosing to step up as a leader?  One way to look at it is they are choosing to be a victim (or more precisely to exhibit victim behaviors). What are the traits you associate with someone who acts like a victim?

    From my experience victims don’t take accountability or responsibility – it’s always not their fault. They tend to point fingers and place blame on anyone and everyone else. They are negative, reactive and always looking for a short cut and looking to others to explicitly tell them what to do. They are comfortable ignoring or denying challenges or things they don’t want to deal with.

    In their book “The Oz Principle”, authors Roger Connors, Tom Smith and Craig Hickman introduce a simple and powerful idea – the Line of Accountability. This thin line represents accountability and responsibility…a culture of leadership. And because Leadership is a choice, you can either choose to be above the line – acting as a leader…or below the line acting as a victim.

    L-V-accountability line2

    The power of this simple tool and model is in it’s simplicity. It can be very difficult to call people out their behavior (“Hey Jim – you were really slacking off with your work last week on the Smith account weren’t you.”).  However…if you have the right people on your team and they all want to win for the team – then they will immediately see the value and validity of The Accountability Line – and the importance of being above the line as often as possible.

    The reality is that we are all going to have days or moments where we slip and we’ll be ‘below the line’ – it’s impossible to be focused, positive, pro-active and on top of things all the time, but if we can recognize when we’re having a bad day…or if we can help others recognize the wrong kind of behavior then it’s easier to correct.  (“Hey Jim – do you think you were below the line last week with the Smith account?”).

    Culture of Leadership

    In his bestselling book “The Five Dysfunctions of a Team”, Patrick Lencioni calls out the importance of trust, productive conflict and the ability of a team to hold each other accountable. If you’re building a true culture of leadership, then the team will expect and appreciate that others (team mates and their manager) will call them out when they are ‘below the line’.

    Of course it’s likely you have people on your team right now who absolutely will not want to be held accountable in that way (a victim behavior). If that’s the case you will need to help them understand that this is a new reality for how the team / company is going to operate – ideally they’ll get on board and modify their behavior. Maybe they’ll opt out on their own and choose to go elsewhere…but if one of those 2 things doesn’t happen fairly quickly then you must ask them to leave – otherwise your behavior is ‘below the line’ for not holding others accountable.

    What do you think? Is this a model that would work in your business? Do you already have a team that lives up to this kind of behavior? What would it mean if they did? We’d love to hear your thoughts – share them in the comments below.

    Thanks to my friend Robert Knowles for the inspiration on this post.

    Shawn Kinkade  Kansas City Business Coach

    18 May

    Close up of a men's quadruple skulls rowing team, seconds after the start of their race

    Teamwork has been described as the ultimate competitive advantage for a business.

    If you could get all the people in an organization rowing in the same direction, you could dominate any industry, in any market, against any competition, at any time.
    ― Patrick Lencioni, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable

    According to Lencioni (and quite a few others) – great teamwork starts with trust. Not that you trust how someone will react – but real, vulnerability based trust where you really know someone as a person. Where they are willing to share their weaknesses and concerns with you (and vice versa). And most importantly where you know with certainty that they put the goals of the teams ahead of their personal goals.

    When you have real, vulnerability based trust and everyone is on the same page then teams can argue, admit weakness, point out issues and challenge each other – and that productive conflict will make the team and the outcomes better.  (And it’s fun to be on a team like that…which pays off down the road as well).

    When you don’t have that kind of trust – one of two things will happen. Team members will lash out at each other when they feel threatened, believing that the best way to get ahead is to bring others down (lots of political games). Alternatively (and probably more likely) people will fall into an ‘artificial harmony’ – where they agree with everything on the surface (or at least don’t disagree) but have absolutely no intention of actually supporting anything. This leads to all sorts of issues like infighting within the ranks, lots of passive aggressive behavior and a significant likelihood that nothing gets done.

    As a leader, how do you develop trust?

    So we’ve established that trust is critical if you’re going to build a great team. And that trust is based in vulnerability and the idea that the team members want to be part of something bigger. It’s all very logical and really not that difficult to understand…but it’s not likely to happen without some focus and leadership. As that leader – what can you do to develop trust within your team?

    1. Actually have a team…

    There’s a huge number of business owners who have employees, people they work with, but they don’t actually have a team. Anything that’s important is personally handled by the business owner and everyone else is just there to help. That’s not a team, that’s a very busy, stressed out business owner who has some help with lots of tasks.

    Having a team means a leadership team where everyone has clear responsibilities and accountabilities. They may need to get approval for big decisions, but on the whole they are enabled by the business owner to make things happen in their area.

    Do you have a team?  Could you create one?


    2. Have a vision…

    People want to be part of a team because they want to achieve something that they can’t do on their own. In sports players don’t talk about trying to become the MVP…they talk about winning championships. As a business owner, what are you building? What’s your big picture? It doesn’t have to be finding a cure for cancer…it could be as simple as being the best pizza/plumber/wealth manager in your city. Whatever it might be, you’ve got to have something that others will find compelling – what would make them want to be part of your team?

    Do you have a clear idea of what you’re building? Have you shared it with your team lately?


    3. Go first and be vulnerable…

    If you want others to trust you, you’re going to have to trust them first. You’re going to have to be the first one out on the ledge before others will follow. If they sense you’re not willing to open up, be vulnerable and to trust others…there’s no way they’ll trust you and the team will never come to pass. The vulnerability part is often very difficult for a business owner. *Note – it’s important to point out that you don’t have to share your deepest, darkest innermost secrets (in fact you shouldn’t) – but you do need to be a real person with hard and soft edges.  And you do need to admit weaknesses…and be able to accept that you’re wrong (and that others are right).

    Suggestion – get to know each other on a more personal basis. Where did you grow up? What kind of challenge did you have as a kid? What was your family like?  Consider using some behavioral assessments as a way to develop a common language around different styles.

    Are you putting up a front for your employees that you can do no wrong? Or are you willing to admit that you need their help and value them?


    Building a great team isn’t really a complex thing – the ideas are straightforward and easy to understand. But they’re not easy to implement…and it’s not a one time thing. You can’t just buy a team in a kit – instead you have to start leveraging core behaviors every single day. Things like:

    • Taking the time to get to know each other on a personal basis,
    • Letting go of important responsibilities and trusting others to come through,
    • Engaging in productive conflict – disagreeing on things (in a professional way) and expecting and encouraging others to disagree as well but also to ultimately commit to whatever the team and the leader decides.

    Simple – but not easy.

    What do you think about trust and teamwork? Agree? Disagree? We’d love to hear your thoughts – share them in the comments below.

    Shawn Kinkade  Kansas City Business Coach


    20 Apr

    Prefer to listen to this post? Click the start button below…



    Establishing goals and defining values with our clients is one of the fundamental exercises we try to work through in trying to help create a road map for their future.   Candidly, the” buy-in” from our clients in this process varies.  Though almost every business agrees that setting goals is important and establishing a standard of core values makes sense, many often dismiss the importance of following through with the implementation.

    Clarifying the two…

    Goals are like items on a bucket list; once you do them you cross them off and go on to the next one.  A realtor may sell $1M of real estate one month, but the next month they start back at $0.  Goals help create focus on a particular project and give constant feedback on how well you are advancing towards an end point.

    Values are what matter most to you.  Things you are committed to.  They are not one and done events. You don’t cross off values after a $1M month of sales.  They are a constant. Think of them as a compass that keep you pointed in the direction you want your business to go.  Values come from a much deeper place.  Your business doesn’t “achieve a value” it exemplifies and demonstrates it in the way your company conducts business day in and day out.

    The alignment…

    When one accomplishes goals and does so using the values that are important to them (regardless if they have ever written them down or verbalized them) they feel good about it.   If you accomplish goals but are not able to do so using your values, it will likely cause you stress and you will struggle to feel good, even though you achieved the goal.

    Recently I heard about a sales person who left a company, not because of lack of sales but because the tactics the company was using did not align with the sales person’s personal value system.  It didn’t matter how much this person sold, the values and the goals did not align.

    Why this matters to you…

    Many companies struggle with turnover and getting everyone on the same page.   The factors that contribute to these two issues are more complicated than simply goals and core values.  That said, there has to be a foundation under every building.  We view the core values of your business as the foundation of any organization.

    It is hard to build a strong team and expect them to focus on a goal if the members of the team all have different core values.   It’s unlikely that you’ll have every employee of your company agree 100% with the core values of the company, but that doesn’t mean they don’t abide by those values.   And, the more the values are referenced, whether it is a new employee orientation, during employee reviews, or just shared openly as part of the culture of the business, the more likely the employees will be setting goals, taking actions, and responding to things in ways that complement the values instead of disregarding them.

    Setting and attaining SMART Goals is important.  If you want to increase your success rate and improve the morale of your company, consider looking down at your foundation.  If you (and your team) haven’t clearly verbalized what matters most to you in the way of a set of values, make some time to clarify them in writing and then share them with your company.   Then set goals that allow you to incorporate and align with your values.  We trust you will be happy with the results!  As always we value any feedback in the space below.

    Chris Steinlage Kansas Business Coach